I recently went home for a funeral. It was a sad but good visit with my friends and my mom. Cathe was one of my mom’s dearest friends and a second mother to me when I was a kid; her daughter Em was one of my closest childhood friends. Cathe’s death stirred up a lot of emotions and memories for my mom and me, especially because of my step-dad Tom’s passing last fall, and it hammered home my appreciation for everyone I care about.
I moved away when I was 18 from my small town in southern Indiana to go to Butler in Indianapolis. Driving with my best friend Heather aka Dar in her convertible white cabriolet on our way to school, our big 80’s hair didn’t move, even with the top down, thanks to Aqua Net. Freedom was delicious. I relished living on my own, partying with my college pals and escaping my parents who finalized their divorce the first day of Xmas break my freshman year.
I’ve been gone now for 22 years. For the first couple of years that I lived in NYC, the only things I missed about Indiana were my family and friends. I was glad to be done with the midwest and its plain vanillaness and the suffocating sameness of life where I was sure that if I didn’t get the hell out of there, the rest of my life would simply be a continuation of the day before. I don’t feel that way about it anymore. As time passes and my priorities change, I’ve developed a greater appreciation for what home represents. Simpler times, good family values, the strength of long standing friendships, family first, quiet streets, backyards, friends celebrating children’s milestones, rose colored memories of growing up out in the country on a lake with my dogs Flower and Bridgett.
Hitting the big 4-0 last November really has me thinking. I always imagined I’d be married and raising munchkins by now. Funny how life happens. I never could’ve imagined I’d have my fabulously good fun cupcake, beer & wine bar in NYC. I’m so blessed with amazing friends, loving family and the world’s greatest patrons. But going home, plugging back in with my childhood friends, swapping life stories and being around my pals’ children, knowing how much it meant to my mom that I was there for her during this sad time – all of it reminds me about what’s missing in my life. I wish I could find my man who is in the same place I am – excited about creating a home, filled with children and loads of love and giggles, backyard bbqs and soccer games. Normal life stuff that is so not normal here in NYC. It’s frustrating and can be really lonely. I work hard to stay positive and hopeful and believe that it’s just a matter of timing in life.
There’s no place like home.
Here I Go Again – Whitesnake
Here I go again on my own
goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known.
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.
An’ I’ve made up my mind, I ain’t wasting no more time.
Just another heart in need of rescue
waiting on love’s sweet charity
an’ I’m gonna hold on for the rest of my days
‘cos I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams.
Teaser Taste of Sweet Revenge®: Decisions, decisions
Cheers to the good love,