Learning To Be Kind To Myself

Someone told me this year that how you treat yourself is how others will treat you. Manalive is this so true.  My friend Treen and I have leaned on each other to heal up and get back to being happy after our relationships with our boyfriends ended in the beginning of this year. “Mar, you’ve got to treat yourself kindly,” she tells me.  Its really something that something so simple, treating myself with kindness, is hard work and way harder than being hard on myself.

My pal Treena and me

I’ve always pushed myself, usually to pretty extreme limits, when it comes to prioritizing my work above all other things, including my health, my family and my friends.  With my life savings a weebit at stake at 62 Carmine, I’m highly incentivized to bust a gut and suck it up.  I’ve got endurance, a vision for SR, a high threshold for pain, and goodness only knows, I love a challenge.  I’m extremely hard on myself, I expect results and I am disciplined about making necessary sacrifices and living frugally.  However, earlier this year when I was going through major challenges with H and dealing with our devastating breakup, I really wasn’t taking care of myself.  I wasn’t sleeping.  I couldn’t eat.  I was emotionally and physically worn out.  I felt a million years old.

Bartending and business admin responsibilities forced me to go through the day-to-day motions, requiring me to leave my apartment to be around happy patrons and lovely staff.  Thank the goodness. I talked to my parents on the phone every day, and they were incredibly supportive and loving.

At my family and friends’ urging, I accepted that I had to start taking care of myself if I wanted to feel better.  I knew I wanted to stop waking up feeling like sheit.  I wanted to be happy again.   Treen got me out of my apartment in the early days for $9 manis, something that I had not splurged on since I had a paying job in the corporate world.  Our manis morphed into our Saturday morning Chelsea Market brunch ritual, which I so look forward to because it is lovely, happy, relaxed and friendly and feels like I’ve escaped to San Fran.  A totally tasty brunch is only $6 buckarinis at Ronnybrook Dairy, and their milk bartender Elan is hilarious entertainment.

I began carving out 15 minutes a day to swim a couple of times a week at the Tony Dapolito rec center (fyi it’s cheap as chips — just $6 a month to join).  When I swam, I slept better and had energy again.

After years of my mom telling me to take vitamins (and buying numerous bottles of Centrum for me), I finally began taking them.  I bought some fancyshmancy B complex that my awesome sister-in-law Brandy told me about, along with Vitamin D/Fish Oil/Omega 3 and Feosol.   By golly who needs health insurance when you can vitamin it up!?!? (um, I am kidding.  I would like to have health insurance.  And I will still take my vitamins when I finally have it again.)

Mom and Tom

Mom and Tom

At Xmas, my mom put Cetaphil in my stocking.  I started using it.  Voila, my face was no longer chapped, dry, and red.  I treated myself to Cetaphil’s moisturizing cream to see if it could work on my hands which were a redhotmess from a year and a half of hand washing dishes at Sweet Revenge®.  Amazingly, my hands have never looked better.
Thanks Mom for the introduction to that miracle stuff!

I wrote H some loving letters that were really cathartic for me.  I splurged on a hoity hairspray and new lipsticks.  I started growing my hair out for the first time in 15 years, and I’m getting a kick out of it being loose, relaxed and having a fun personality of being big and sassy (watch out 80s…!).  I joke that I’m growing it out in my pre-midlife crisis.  But really its a reflection that I’m being kind to myself by doing things differently in order for things to be different.  Small changes and big changes, silly changes and fundamental ones.  I could substitute the word kindness for change in the preceding phrase, and it would be spot on.

I’m in such a good place now.  In some ways I feel like my old self — happy, high energy and very positive.  And in some ways I feel like a really different person in a very good way.  I’ve worked super hard to have awareness when I’m thinking negatively or I find myself stewing on an irksome incident.  I make myself stop, and I make myself re-frame my thoughts to focus on what I want.  I focus on what makes me happy instead of focusing on what I don’t want.

Any time I feel a little bit blue, I think about my 10 month old nephew Holden aka Rey Del Mundo aka Holdenpeno.   He’s got the greatest giggle, grin and drool.  What a ham!  He makes me smile just thinking about him.  It’s absolutely impossible to be down in the dumps when I think of his cute little face.

My Nephew Holden

My Nephew Holden. What a lovebug!

Isn’t he delicious?!?! I love him to bits and can’t wait to visit him in Dallas for his big 1 year birthday in August.  Hooray!

At Easter when my dad very generously bought me a ticket to visit him and our family’s best friends the Wittes in Florida, I borrowed The Secret from them. I’m now on my 3rd trip though the book.

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

I love its positive messaging and how easy it is to understand.  What I’ve always chalked up to as karma in my life is right in line with the law of attraction.  Thank you Rhonda Byrne for making your message so embraceable.

I feel happy again.  When I think back to where I was earlier this year, I’m so grateful to be on the other side of all that hardship.  I have a deep appreciation for what I went through and where I am.  I have a lot more peace and understanding.  I have healed up and am emotionally wiser.  I am focused on all that is positive and have no need to dwell on pains of the past.  I know I’m in a better place for having gone through that rough time.  I feel very good about myself.  I am appreciative of all the amazing things happening for me with SR.  I count my blessings for my loving family, friends, patrons, and staff and the kindness of strangers.

Be Kind to Yourself (my pal Treena Huang)

Teaser Taste of Sweet Revenge®:  Behind the Scenes – Developing SR Wedding Cakes

cheers to treating yourself kindly,
Marlo

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